There are many fun filled Kauai activities that will make your stay here epic. However, we at Turtle Cove Suites believe that staring at goats is not one of them.
The film, Men Who Stare At Goats, details the U.S. military’s study of the off the wall concept of weaponizing the paranormal, and the men who possessed the ability to kill goats by staring at them. The film explores the oxymoron, ‘Military Intelligence’ at the highest level on the Mensa moron scale. I only wish the Department of Defense contacted us first, we could have saved taxpayer dollars, and they could have channeled the monies to study ‘Government Organization’ .
Stay with me a little longer and I will debunk this Men Staring at Goats, and in the meanwhile, offer great Kauai activities to wasting your time staring at goats that are staring at you.
Reason#1: They Know What You’re Doing
Most of them have seen the film, which probably is the reason why box office receipts were astronomical. You caught the film because George Clooney plays a former secret U.S. military psychic soldier, and you thought you were going to be entertained. They saw it as a documentary on the misuse of animals in scientific trials, and they KNEW they were going to be horrified.
Great Kauai Alternative #1: Visit Any Of Our Great Beaches
Grab the book by author Jon Ronson at the Koloa Public Library and head to Mahaulepu Beach. Just off the trail there are large ironwood trees that offer great shade and exceptional views. The sun is there, the ocean is there, the book is there, and very few people are there. Enough said!
If you tire of reading, walk down the beach to the Makawehi Cave Reserve and explore the great work being done by Dr. & Mrs. Burney and the staff of the National Tropical Botanical Garden to reintroduce native plants back into the landscape.
Reason #2: Goats Are Better At Multitasking Than You
You’re standing on the side of the road staring at them while people are driving by too quickly for Kauai’s locals, reading a map, sipping coffee, and rubbernecking to see what the heck you’re doing on the side of a Kauai road. They are braking while wondering if they should stop and follow your direction. See, you get the idea, its all been planned by… you know who, the goats! They get more pleasure watching the Kauai Police Department hand out traffic citations on Koloa Road than you can ever imagine.
While you are just standing there staring at each other, they’re chewing away on their cud breaking down fiber in their rumen to send to their reticulum. Essentially having lunch and staring at you the entire time, proving how easy it is for them to multitask.
Great Kauai Alternative #2: Hiking Kauai
Hike the Pihea Trail in Koke’e State Park. The trail is is an easy walk and there’s no rule written that you need to complete it in a day, it offers great vistas of Kalalau and the Alakai Swamp. Before you reach the trail head, stop at the lookouts on the way and have a close look at the cliffs. You will see sure footed goats in the wilds of the majestic Waimea Canyon as they walk on outcroppings 6 inches wide and a thousand feet above the valley floor. They told me to write that last line.
If you want to experience a more strenuous hike see my article on Hiking the Honopu Trail.
Reason #3: You Will Always Be The First to Blink
Even if you manage to endure standing and watching someone else eat, you will still be the first to blink. A goats eye can withstand bright sunlight and strong trade winds better than a human eye. The cornea protecting their eye is thicker than yours, protecting them from dryness and particulate matter in the atmosphere.
Great Kauai Alternative #3: Explore Kauai Culture
Visit the Kauai Museum in Lihue on Rice Street. They house permanent collections from pre-contact Kauai all the way to the Territorial period in Kauai’s history. Rotating exhibits of some of Kauai’s best artists and artisans are always a real treat to experience.
If you have a favorite Kauai alternative to staring at goats let me know, you can leave a comment and we promise to share it with the kids.